A negotiation is over only when we want it to be over

A negotiation is over only when we want it to be over – you read this here
Some clients had problems with my approach during negotiations. They didn’t like my use of “respected adversary” or “respected opponent” when I referred to the person on the other side of the table. “Negotiation isn’t war” they said.
“Harris, why don’t you just use words like friend, buddy, or partner?
This isn’t war here, so why in the world would you ever choose such abrasive and divisive words?”
In my view, it all boils down to the reason why we are negotiating. Why would we use “adversary” or “respected opponent” when we’re so conditioned during negotiations to think that we’re all working together, towards a common goal – the purchase and sale of the property?
The truth is we’re not working together towards common goals.
What we’re trying to do is solve problems.
When working for the Buyers, we have something that’s not in our control and we are looking for the other side to help us. And the side who’s helping us is trying to provide us with a home that solves my buyer’s problems in return for compensation.
Therefore, we’re not working towards exactly the same thing. One side is trying to find a home. And the other side is trying to offer their solution to people who appreciate them and will pay them in return for it.
Are you a Partner or a Friend…?
There are many moments in a negotiation when people bring up the fact that we should look at them as partners or as friends.
The truth is we’re not friends. We’re just people trying to identify problems and address and solve these problems. And in the act of solving those problems, we’re going to have to commit our resources to do that. And, yes, these are time, energy, money, emotions, or technology, plus whatever else we have. But for us to be able to do that, we’re going to need something in return.
In fact, I need to get more in return than what it costs because I need to continue to invest in the future if I want to do this for my Clients, in the long term. And I do.
There’s no reason for me to do it, if all I get back for my Clients is the cost of us preparing the solution. Absolutely, we are adversarial in what we’re trying to get back. You may think along the lines of “I’ll try to get as much as I can and you better believe it, I’ll be greedy.”

The Balance
The truth is our local Vancouver market balances that. Real estate is an industry where there’s plenty of competition and the competition is going to put some natural limits on how much we can get for something. With all these in mind, we sure know that not every competitor has exactly the same product we do, when selling our home. It’s very important for you to have an agent able to differentiate you, to easily highlight what makes you special and to get full value for that special uniqueness your home brings in the market.

To do that, I’m constantly creating a vision or creating the perception of reality for my opponent on the other side of the table, in a way that they can actually figure out what we’re bringing to the table and how that’s helping them solve their problem.

In this sense, we really have to think of the person on the other side of the table – the person we’re trying to help – as our respected opponent, because they’re looking to solve problems and get things that you’re not: they’re looking to do things that are particular to them.
The only thing we’re trying to achieve here is to get a return from them, comparable to the problem they’re solving.
Throughout negotiations, we treat the other side with respect, and that’s why we always refer to them as our “respected opponents” or “respected adversary”.

My job is not to be liked. It is to be respected and effective
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The views and opinions expressed by Harris First in this commentary are his own, and not of Oakwyn Realty
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